Immaculate

The Nun sub-genre is an odd one. Since the 1960s we have seen Nun's either dishing out punishment or being vessels of evil. Blame the Italians and X-rated directors. Religious Horror fueled a lot of these movies. More specifically, the Catholic Church. Definitely in the Top 5 of "Worse things that came from Colonization". These movies usually circle the same themes of Salvation, curses, or the apocalypse. Back in the 70s/80s, these things made audiences shit their pants. People nowadays in America are far less religious, many more are Muslims and other religions, many believe in God just none of the dogma, some are Atheist and some are very Atheist but their really just edge lord Agnostics. This has mixed results but one thing stands out. The shit don't hit like it used to and The Nun movie series is...not scary. Just bad film-making.

With all that, for me, "Immaculate" had a bit of a hill to climb. I was a church kid and yes at one point, Religious horror tropes did scare me until I turn 16. I blame "Left Behind 2", "End of Days", and September 11th for that change. I was actually surprised by how much of the movie I liked. Red Pill goddess Sydney Sweeney plays a young nun who joins a convent in Italy. But this a convent in a scary movie. It's a convent that takes care of dying nuns (Spooky groaning). It has your standard "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest" shenanigans that go down but it's all good. Sister Cecilia(Sydney) is very meek and a bit lost but it's because everyone is speaking Italian and there are no subtitles. She learns that there might be some creepy shit going down but she ignores it because she's there to serve the lord. No amount of candlelit chapels and old Italian Priest fingers will sway her. She's close to God, like very close. They even have one of the nails that crucified Jesus in there. Just there...in the convent for dying nuns. Not the Vatican, not the Smithsonian, not even with a Bond villain. It's just there behind very breakable glass.

So a couple few weeks later(Imma just guess it was, they a mini-montage), Cecilia starts getting sick. Come to find out she's pregnant! And she's a virgin! And because this is a nun movie, these niggaz start treating her like the real Virgin Mary. They dress my girl up like the famous painting of Mary and people are worshiping her. At this point, anyone who passed 8th Science knows something ain't right. And it ain't! Someone tries to drown her. No guys...you don't see Sydney topless. Now if this was a 70's Nun movie, we would've got that and full bush. Cecilia throws up a tooth. One nun does a Frog Splash onto concrete from a balcony. Cecilia's only friend there speaks out on this being bs and she is immediately out for the rest of the movie. Again, standard Nun'nery afoot round here.

I will not spoil the 3rd act, but it's where the movie gets good and bloody. It is also where the movie kinda derails in its story for me. Like don't get me wrong, the movie does a great job building to it's final act. Sydney pretty much screams for the rest of the film. Jump scares and cringes are earned properly. But while writing this review I'm like "...wait, hold up. How?". Luckily it doesn't doom this movie, but I think that because the last 2 minutes of this flick is pure "What The Blessed Fuck Is This" territory.

6 out of 10

Definitely worth a watch, Sydney did great in this movie. Not a bad job from Director Michael Mohan and the cinematography wasn't that bad either. I can understand if people don't think this movie is that great. The way it's paced, the story is kinda "huh?" and the kill count isn't that high. But at least a baby is killed off-screen. Praise Jesus.